


If You Had Loved Me

by lls_mutant



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: AU, F/M, Five Times
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-30
Updated: 2010-07-30
Packaged: 2017-10-10 20:54:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/104171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lls_mutant/pseuds/lls_mutant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five ways canon might have changed if Laura Roslin had loved Tom Zarek back, and one way it wouldn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If You Had Loved Me

Laura was sleeping. Tom looked down at her, brushing her hair gently off her face. She shifted in her sleep, a smile tugging at her lips, but didn't wake. Tom moved carefully, climbing out of the bed and dressing.

He was just knotting his tie when he heard Laura move again. He turned around. "Good morning."

"Mmm. It is." She pushed herself out of bed and came over, wrapping her arms around his waist. "You don't _have_ to go, you know."

"Madame President, are you implying I should neglect my duty to the people of Sagittaron?" Tom laughed. "Just because _you_ don't have to sit through a Quorum meeting doesn't mean I have that luxury."

"Luxury?" Laura arched an eyebrow. "Never thought I'd see the day when _you_ not participating in a legitimate and legal government would be luxury."

"Very funny. If you _want_ me to stay and have another round, just say so."

Laura's fingers began working his tie. "All right," she said. "I say so."

Who was he to argue with the President of the Colonies?

***

Tom had always assumed he'd sleep with Laura one day. Well, no. He always _hoped_ he would, and he assumed that if it ever happened, Laura would be the first out of bed and gone before she sheets cooled. (_Not_, he added, because of his own abilities.) But he was realistic enough (and Laura was vocal enough) to assume that what was between them was physical only.

It was a new experience, to love being wrong.

One night turned into two, and then three, and then a week. And before he knew it, it wasn't just him loving Laura, but Laura loving him.

And things were able to change.

  
**It could change who wins the election**

  
Meeting with Baltar didn't fill him with the same fire that it used to. The truth was, Tom had never liked Gaius Baltar. He'd seen him as two things: popular enough to win the vote, and uncaring enough to be easily manipulated. Tom had never really seen _Baltar_ as the President. Not really.

No. He was _not_ this foolish and easily manipulated himself. He steeled himself back to his normal strategies. "You've got to keep hitting her on the religious thing," he told Gaius. "Every time we go there, you score points and we move the polls in our direction."

Baltar sighed dramatically. "I'm not sure if you're aware, Tom, but the mob isn't usually in the habit of electing ungodly apostates who denigrate people of faith."

"Things are going to turn around," Tom insisted. "You'll see."

Gaius frowned. "And why do you even want them to? Everyone knows that you're sleeping with Roslin."

Tom froze. "Everyone knows that?"

"Well, _I_ do. Now. Now, there is the loyalty that one expects in a campaign manager." Gaius sat back. "And you wonder why I despise politics."

"Just because we're seeing each other doesn't mean I can't be loyal to you."

"Oh, right. Forgive me if I don't believe that."

"What, that I'm capable of thinking with more than my dick? Coming from you, that's rich."

"I'm just saying that a large part of your motivations in assisting me have been ousting Laura Roslin from her position of power."

Tom grabbed the figures. "Then would I tell you to keep hitting her on the religious aspect? Look! Look at the numbers, Gaius! You can complain about people not wanting to elect those who don't believe in faith anymore, but that is assuming there is faith left to be had! And after what's happened to humanity, there are a hell of a lot of newly converted atheists in this Fleet, as shown by the fact that every time we tear up her religious card, our numbers climb! The gods frakked us all over, and there are a lot of people that don't _want_ to believe in them anymore!"

"All right." Gaius held up his hands. "I concede." He raised his eyebrows like he was surprised, and then just shook his head. Tom had learned to ignore these little gestures that made no sense, and picked up the papers again.

"Come on. Let's hammer out this next speech."

***

"The numbers are getting close," he told Laura that night. "You know that."

"But not close enough. Really, Tom. Slander based on religious beliefs is beneath you."

He shrugged, taking off his jacket. "It's the only thing that seems to be working."

"And you don't consider that an indication of what the people really want?" Laura asked, slipping off her heels and sitting down on the bed.

"I just want to be sure it's a fair fight."

"A fair fight."

"Exactly."

"Mmmhmm." Laura looked at him over the edge of her glasses.

"Really. Besides, there are things you're doing that people don't agree with. You know that."

"There are things I'm doing that _I_ don't agree with," Laura said evenly. "_You_ know that. But they are what's best for humanity."

"As is a fair election. If you win it, fair and square, then I'll settle happily into my duties as First Kept Man and continue to make your life a living hell in the Quorum. And if you don't, I'm sure Baltar will have a unique offer for you that will make use of your special talents."

He barely got the sentence out before Laura hit him in the face with the pillow.

***

They stared at the images of the planet. Tom had to admit, it was a gray and dingy place. But this planet was important- he could _feel_ it.

"Who cares about that stupid planet, anyway?" Gaius was complaining. "Song and dance over nothing. Less than twenty percent of it actually supports human life, so… now there's a difference in thought."

"What's that?" Tom asked.

"Oh, nothing, Tom. Just, uh… could you imagine if we actually had to live on that thing?"

And that's when the image sprang into full bloom in Tom's mind. _This_ was it. _This_ was what they needed.

Laura would never agree to settle on this planet. She would hold out for her mythical Earth. Tom wasn't so sure he believed in Earth, but he could admit that there had to be a better habitable planet out there than this one. But this one was _here_, and the military was already saying that the nebula might shield the fleet from the Cylons. This was their platform. This was what they needed to win the election.

But this was also false hope, just like what Laura was offering. It might be habitable, it _might_ be shielded, but it would be miserable. Tom sighed.

"No," he said. "I don't even want to imagine it."

***

It was no surprise to anyone when Gaius Baltar lost the election. Tom stood on _Colonial One_, the picture of a gracious loser, clapping as Laura Roslin was sworn in for real. She saw him and winked, and he smiled back.

After all, at least now the people had spoken.

**It could change Tom's fate on New Caprica**

  
The clanging of Centurions was like a nightmare. Tom hid in the tent, trying not to breathe. Laura had gone out to investigate, but Laura could do that. He couldn't.

"Never thought I'd see you hiding like a little girl," Tigh told him, stepping back into his tent.

"It's not like a little girl," Tom snapped, standing back up. "Are they gone?"

"You think they're going anywhere?"

"Fine. Am I safe?" Tigh opened his mouth, and Tom realized what he was about to say. "Do they know I'm here?"

"Don't think so." Ellen came back into the tent as Tigh began to roll a cigarette. "Don't know if it would matter. They saw me and didn't do a damn thing."

"But you're not supposed to be on _Colonial One_ and a part of the government," Tom pointed out.

"You afraid to die?" Tigh mocked him.

"Hardly," Ellen said before Tom could say a word. She looked serious- it was an expression he wasn't used to seeing on her face. "But Saul, if he goes back he'll be forced to collaborate."

"Or die," Tigh said with a shrug. "Lot of people are going to die."

"And if I have to, I will," Tom said. "But if I do…." he swallowed, thinking of Laura.

Tigh read his expression and glanced at Ellen. "Yeah. Lot harder to die when you've got something to live for."

"If I die fighting, I'll die fighting. But I won't be shoved away in a prison, unable to protect her again."

Tigh measured him with his eyes, and then reached out and extended his hand. "Good. We're in this together."

Tom took it. "We are."

***

The tent he shared with Laura was empty when he got home, and a lump of fear rose in his throat, even as he began packing what he needed and the few things he could afford to take. But when Laura came in, he couldn't stop himself from crossing the tent and pulling her to him roughly. She clung to him, relief evident in the strength of her embrace and the tears she refused to shed.

"I'll find a way to see you," he told her. "I don't know how, but I _will_ find a way. But you can't know where I'm hiding."

"I know."

"They won't come after you. Not yet. If they do, I _will_ get you out of here. You got that?"

Laura pulled away and nodded, wiping at her dry cheeks. "I know."

"We'll fight them until we can't."

Her spine straightened, and her face took on that look of steel that he loved. "So say we all."

***

He hid in the woods for three weeks, while the Resistance began to dig out a network of tunnels under the city. Then he was able to come back, to hide under the cover of the damp, cold earth. But he was able to fight, in a way he couldn't fight before. Explosives, bombs, guerilla fighting and terrorist tactics… he was an old pro at any of them.

It wasn't long before Tom Zarek became the most feared of the Resistance fighters.

***

He was careful. He was dangerous. He thought he always had a plan. And yet, one day, they caught him. And when he was hauled before Cavil, he knew there would be no jail cell and no prison. They dragged him into the center of the town, into the streets, and they shot him.

The last thing he saw was Laura standing on the side, tears streaking her face and resolve clenching her fists.

  
**It could change other peoples' fates on New Caprica**

  
"So what's it going to be?" the One asked, looking around the room at the assembled government. "You going to play nice and go along with our whole peace and love song and dance, or do we get to toss you into prison?"

The Eight that had been identified as Boomer and the Six that Gaius clearly knew both looked deeply aggravated, but Tom noticed that other models didn't look so disgusted. Of course, the fact that the Centurions paraded through the streets gave it away that this was no summer camp, but Tom could tell this was going to go from bad to exponentially worse.

There was a time he would have stepped forward, saying that he refused to cooperate. But now, with Laura in his life, he hesitated. If he did that, if he stuck to his principles, he would be locked up, if he was lucky. He could handle that, but he didn't know if he could live with the idea that Laura was still out here, struggling and in danger. So he held his tongue.

Most of the administration did as well. In fact, the only one he'd expected to speak up was Felix Gaeta. Young, idealistic, and convinced the world should run a specific way, Gaeta reminded Tom of himself when he was young and stupid. But Gaeta stayed silent, eyes down at the floor. He wasn't a coward; Tom knew that. As he studied the young man, he realized something. Gaeta wasn't hiding right now because he was ashamed. Gaeta was hiding his expression because he already had a plan.

***

"How was the school today?" Tom asked as he entered the tent.

Laura sighed, rubbing her temples. "Becky's parents were taken last night," she said. "She and her brother are terrified."

"Can't say I blame them." Tom began to take out the ingredients to make something resembling a soup, and Laura pulled out two bowls. "Make it three," he said, shaking his head. "We have company."

Laura obeyed without comment.

"What are Becky and her brother doing?" he asked, cutting up the lousy excuse for an onion. "I mean, who are they staying with?"

"Their neighbor took them in for the night," Laura said with a sigh. She began to peel a scraggly carrot. "I'll have to see about getting their rations increased."

"Make sure I have their last names."

"Of course."

They worked in silence, both of them still tense. Tom knew they'd be tense until their guest for the evening came and went, and when he heard the discreet knock on the tent post, he nearly jumped out of his skin. "I'll get it," he said.

Laura frowned. "I meant to tell you, I need to meet with Maya."

"All right." He moved over to the entrance and let Felix Gaeta in.

"Mr. Vice President," Gaeta said, nodding. He glanced at Laura. "Laura," he said awkwardly.

"Mr. Gaeta." Laura's tone was cool. Felix flushed, but he didn't rise to it. "You know," Laura said to Tom, "it's really quite vital I get what I need from Maya right now. I'll be back later. Save my soup for me."

"All right." He watched her go dully.

Felix stared after her as well. "I know I should be pleased she doesn't know," he said. "But is it terrible I almost wish she did?"

"I wish I could tell her," Tom agreed. "I'm sure she suspects about me, given that I'm not sleeping on the floor. But we can't risk it."

"I know," Felix said. "All right. Let's get to work before she comes back."

***

"There are two kids whose parents disappeared last night." Tom had waited until the end to bring that one up. Although Felix tried to keep a professional mask, Tom could see the light of sympathy in his eyes. "We'll have to look into what we can do, but I'm guessing the answer is going to be not much."

"Yeah…"

"You don't believe me?"

Gaeta frowned and stared down at his soup for a long moment. Finally he said, "There's this Eight. She's been hanging around me a lot."

"An Eight," Tom said dubiously.

Felix shrugged. "I guess. The Eights seem most sympathetic to the humans. Well, the Eights and the Sixes. They're the ones that seem to really believe this alliance or whatever is supposed to work, that it's supposed to be a new era of love and peace."

"Mm." Tom didn't believe that, but he could see where Gaeta had gotten that impression. "What about her?"

"She's been offering to help me."

Tom's blood turned cold. "She knows?"

"What? Oh, no! Not about this! I don't think she'd even think and besides I wouldn't- no. No." Felix shook his head. "It's enough trusting each other and whoever our contact is. We cant bring anyone else in."

"Good. So what does she want?"

"I mentioned there are people that have gone missing, friends of mine, and she offered to help me find them."

"You know where they are. They're in the Cylon detention center," Tom pointed out.

"She offered to help get them out."

Tom realized suddenly that Felix was seriously considering this. "What did you say?"

"I said I needed to think about it. It's a small thing but she seems so sincere and-"

"You told me that you shook Boomer's hand right before she shot the Admiral." Tom's voice was harsh. "They're liars, Felix. Look around you! Look at what we're doing."

"But-"

"There are no buts about it!" Tom almost shouted, and then remembered he'd better lower his voice. "There is nothing here, Felix," he said, leaning in. "I know you want to believe that there is something good, that maybe she's different, that maybe this time is different. But you can not afford to do that!"

"And what if she would?" Felix asked. "What if she let them out of prison? What if I could save any of them- even just a few?"

"Then someone would know you are actively working against the Cylons and would begin to look into your activities a lot more closely," Tom said flatly. "Don't be stupid and wreck this, Felix."

"But-"

Tom leaned across the table and grabbed the young man by the shoulders, shaking him to drive home the point. "You do this," he ground out, "you and I are through. I will turn you into the Cylons myself, and finish the job on my own. I don't want to do it, you know that. But if I have to in order to protect the information and our contact, I swear to you, Felix, I _will_ do it."

"All right." Felix sighed, and Tom could see he hope dying in his eyes. "I won't trust her. I won't ask."

"Good. Stay away from her." He allowed himself to grin a little. "Don't you know, Felix, that women are no good for you?"

That earned a slight smile. "I just hope you're right."

"I will be. Come on. You need to get home before curfew, and I need to get Laura back."

"All right." Felix stood up and extended his hand. "I won't see her again," he promised.

"Good boy."

  
**Baltar never, ever would have gotten his trial.**

  
Laura was pacing. Tom watched her, his eyebrows furrowed. Her pacing wasn't the obvious, back and forth type, but the restless type where she couldn't sit down.

"How'd your appointment with Cottle go?" he asked, unable to stay silent any more. Laura didn't answer, and he knew. "Frak. Oh, frak." He got up to embrace her, but Laura held up her hand for him to stop. He didn't want to, but he did. Laura shot him a glance of apology and kept moving. "What are you going to do?" he asked finally.

"I'll try the chamalla again," Laura answered. Tom cringed and opened his mouth, but Laura held up that hand again. "Let me at least try it. The diloxin…"

"Right, right. You've told me before." Tom sighed. "You know, _I'm_ the one that's supposed to be opposed to modern medicine."

Laura conceded a brief kiss on his forehead. "You have never been a normal Sagittaron. Most Sagittarons don't exactly condone the use of explosive devices, either." She sighed. "I'm going to work. I can't sit here and just think."

"All right. I'll see you later."

***

He went to work himself, because sitting and thinking of losing Laura wasn't exactly something he could handle himself, either. But no matter how he tried to focus on the logistics of algae rationing, all he could think about was Laura. When someone knocked on the door, he almost kissed them.

"Come in."

Tory opened the door and stepped in, and then closed it firmly behind her. "Mr. Vice President."

"Tory. What can I do for you?"

She extended the papers she held in her hand. "This is the best I could do. I'm not an expert on the legal system myself, but-"

"It doesn't necessarily matter," Tom said with a grimace. "I'm not trying to figure out what's legal. I'm trying to figure out what this trial could mean for the Fleet, and for Laura."

"Well, that's one of the things that concerns me," Tory agreed. She glanced back over her shoulder. "From what I can tell, the best chance Baltar's defense would have would be to discredit witnesses. There's no way that Laura won't be called. And if she is, the subject of her cancer coming back- and especially her… methods of treatment…" Tory's disapproval was clear, despite her neutral expression and professional tone of voice. "It's likely to come up."

"How much of a threat would it be to her?"

Tory shrugged. "I'm not going to lie, Mr. Vice-President. There are things that Laura has done that people aren't happy with."

"I know." He said it evenly, but Tory snorted quietly anyway.

"They'll use it."

"I suppose so."

"They might call for her resignation."

Tom flinched at that. "I know." He drummed a pen against the desk.

"I suppose you could look at it as a silver lining," Tory suggested.

"You really think that?"

"Yes." Tory shrugged. "That's exactly what it is for you."

"So you say." And it _was_, although Tom didn't want to think of it. He looked at the file instead. "She wasn't happy about the Circle."

"No. She wasn't," Tory agreed. She frowned. "And for the most part, she was right."

"So you say." Tom didn't want to admit he agreed. "But Baltar is different."

"A special case," Tory agreed. "And I suspect Colonel Tigh would see it the same way."

"He would, wouldn't he? Thank you, Tory. You've been most helpful."

"Of course." Tory nodded and slipped out of his office. Tom picked up the phone.

***

"The Admiral is not afraid of killing him," Tigh said as they huddled over drinks.

"Of course he is," Tom said. "He's afraid of what killing Baltar without a trial will do to his conscience and his sense of justice. And that's fine. We don't need the Admiral's approval."

"We? You actually going to go in on it this time, Zarek? Going to get your hands dirty for a change? Cause frak knows we didn't do such a great job with this sort of thing last time."

Tom nodded. "I'll do it."

Tigh's eyebrows went up. "Well, we'll see about that."

***

Tom would have preferred to flush the man out the airlock, but Tigh pointed out that would lead to too many questions. Tom suspected that wasn't the truth and that Tigh's reluctance had more to do with other people he'd killed in that manner, but he didn't argue it. In the end, it had to be poison. Tigh grew very quiet on that count as well, but silence was something Tom could ignore.

He put the poison in the cup himself.

***

"Did you see this?" A report with _Classified_ stamped across the top landed on his desk.

"Did I see what?" Tom asked, looking up at Laura instead of the report.

"Don't play games with me, Tom," she warned him. "Gaius Baltar is dead. He died in his cell last night."

"Technically, I wasn't even aware he was in the Fleet," he reminded her.

"Tom!"

He sighed and picked up the report. Tigh had predicted that Cottle would rule the death a stroke, but apparently, he had ruled it a suicide, although by hanging. "Oh."

"You had something to do with this," Laura said.

"With hanging Gaius Baltar?" Tom asked. "Laura, do you think Adama would ever let me into those cells unguarded?"

"You've gotten into places you weren't supposed to get before."

He sighed. "I told you- I had nothing to do with Valance or his death." She gave him that glare. "I didn't!" he repeated. "It would have been way too obvious!"

Laura shook her head. "You know, I love that that's your defense," she sighed. "Not that you wouldn't have killed me or that you love me, but that it would have been too obvious."

"You would never believe the first, and you know the second wasn't true at the time." Tom shrugged.

Laura sighed and sat down. "You know," she said slowly, "I have a feeling that, as much as I dread it, one day you _will_ be President."

"I'd rather it was because I was elected," he said, but the fear was on her face and in his voice. He stood up and came around, kneeling in front of her. "Don't talk like that, all right? Yeah, some day I _will_ be President, but let's keep that day a few years from now."

She shook her head. "If it gets out about the cancer-"

"It won't get out about the cancer. We'll see to that."

She smiled sadly. "I wish you were right, Tom."

He smiled back. "I'll see to it that I am."

"I know."

The way she looked at him then, he knew she knew. Of course she knew- Laura was no idiot. But she knew he had something to do with Baltar's death, and although she would never, ever say it, he could see that she was grateful, and he could feel it in her kiss.

And he didn't regret what he had done at all.

  
**The Quorum would have confirmed Tom when Laura was on the basestar**

  
"Look. I don't care what you say," Marshall Bagot insisted, "he _is_ the Vice President. And he has been for some time. And if you really want to get technical, he should be President."

"The Admiral won't agree to it," Lee predicted. "You know that."

"He doesn't have a say," Jacob Cantrell pointed out. "Last time I checked, he's not in the Quorum. Besides, Laura will be back, right?"

"We- they're hoping so," Lee agreed.

Irene Fogone leaned in, her lined face serious. "Tell me, Representative Adama, in your opinion, does the military have any hope of recovering Laura Roslin?"

"Yes," Lee said. "There's hope."

"Well then." It was Marshall Bagot speaking again. "Then I move that the Quorum confirm Tom Zarek as temporary President until the return of President Roslin."

"Seconded," Cantrell said.

It was hardly even a fight.

***

"Dad, you need to stop it," Lee sighed. "Zarek _is_ the Vice President. Roslin put him there herself. She leans on him more and more these days."

"That doesn't change the facts."

"Which are that you don't like him. The Quorum has confirmed him. There's nothing you can do." Lee chewed his lip. "The President would approve."

"No, she wouldn't. Just because she was sleeping with him-"

"Was? Dad, have you given up on finding that basestar already?" Lee demanded. "With so many of our people on it-"

"We haven't given up," Adama interrupted. "And we won't give up. Those are our people."

***

"No."

Tom wanted to grab the Admiral and shake him. "You don't understand," he ground out. "Laura Roslin is on that basestar."

"Laura Roslin is the President of this Fleet and one of the two best friends I have ever had," Adama said. "I understand."

"Then let me go with that Raptor to wait for her," Tom begged.

"You can't," the Admiral said. "You're the President."

_You're the President._ They were the words he wanted to hear, but not this way. And yet…

And yet, democracy, his duty to the people, the world the way it was meant to be. He loved Laura, but they both loved that vision. He stepped back. "All right," he said, straightening his shoulders. "But you'd better find her, Admiral."

"We will."

Tom nodded, and then went off to do his job.

  
**But it wouldn't change the end.**

  
The door to the brig opened, and Laura walked in. Tom had been expecting her, ever since they took Gaeta away to talk to Baltar. He looked up, but didn't stand.

"I should have flushed you out the airlock a long time ago," Laura told him.

"You wouldn't have then. I think you would now." He frowned. "Except I believe Adama mentioned a firing squad."

For a brief second, it looked like Laura would cry, but her face twisted into a hard, angry resolve. "I would like you to tell me why you did it," he said, her voice as hard as nails.

"You know why. This government is corrupt. It's not a democracy anymore, Laura. It's an aristocracy. You're not doing your job, and the military is taking over."

"So you would have killed me?"

He shrugged. "You're killing me. Don't pretend we're any different."

"There's a difference. You killed…" she faltered, her voice choking up for a moment, and then regrouped. "You murdered the Quorum."

"That's what revolution is. I regret that it had to happen, but it was necessary."

She hated him. It was radiating from her, from her posture, from the way her arms were crossed and she glared at him. And as he looked at her, he realized that he hated her, too. The Laura he had fallen in love with had died on Earth… been dying long before Earth. He saw that now. He saw it earlier, when he called for change, when he saw himself being passed over in favor of Lee Adama, when he protested the alliance with the Cylons, when he opposed the continued alliance with the Cylons.

"I loved you, once," he told her. "And maybe I still do. But that wasn't enough to change the facts."

"You wanted power," Laura said.

"I wanted justice."

"Well, you're getting it." She left the brig without a backward glance.

***

Tom never expected that his fate would change. He didn't really want it to. Now that all hope of Earth was gone, he had no real desire to go on. He knew it when he looked at Felix Gaeta, ready to die for the same reasons. He knew it when he looked at Adama, his face set in anger as he marched them down to a launch tube. And he knew it as he looked at Laura.

She had loved him. No false vanity prompted that assessment. He had loved her. Nothing that happened now changed that fact. But the truth was that they both loved their principles more than they loved each other, and at some point, the end had had to come. He raised his chin and faced the guns, and right before the fired, he saw the tears on Laura's face.

And he regretted nothing.


End file.
